Aug 10 2011

Who am I not to?

I’ve become deeply overrun by feelings of inadequacy. Who am I to be charged with changing a child’s life? Who am I to reshape probable outcomes. Who am I to make a difference?

And then I remember…who am I not to?

I am not here by accident or coincidence. I am not even here as a result of fate. I am here by choice. I am here because I am deeply confident in my ability to make life better for the students around me. Now is not the time to start doubting that.

As September 6th gets closer, I become increasingly more overwhelmed. I’ve had the chance to visit my school today and learn more about the life context of my students. They are there because the court mandated them to be there. They are there because they need to be cared for in a setting so tightly bound, they have no choice but to get on track. They are there because they need, so fully, for someone to care about where they are headed.

I may not be the best Spanish teacher around. I may butcher my explanation of masculine and feminine words, conjugating verbs and pronouns. But I still stand by my conviction that my kids will be better off because I was there.  They will have bad days. And I will have bad days. But in the end, I will teach these kids that now is the time. That I am here. And they are capable. There are no more excuses. And, most importantly, I will not accept any.

I will stay strong because I am strong. I will care with every muscle in my body because I do care with every muscle in my body. I will be present and confident.

I will not let my fear of inadequacy overwhelm me. I will not let any fears overwhelm me. I am here because I am capable of making a difference. And my kids need me to remember that.

2 Responses

  1. Alpa

    One day at a time, one lesson at a time. You can do it, stay humble!

  2. You have found the valuable treasure within you. You deserve the present.
    Everyone is always proud of you. Cheers!

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